welcome to The Bog

by popular demand

even though I HATE talking to myself

i'm here to please

8/19/2025
This is more of a diary than a blog is something I am beginning to notice. Have this problem where I put people on a VERY LARGE PEDESTAL and idolize them a little too hard to the point where it paralyzes me in a way.. I feel like I have to be exactly like them and if I'm not then i'm doing it wrong, which is a little silly because i'll never be them.. i know.. and thats a good thing because they already exist.. and no one loves blatant ripoffs.. but i can never feel good about anything i do if it wouldn't line up with what they would do (camera pans to middle aged man reading high concept literature and a long childhood of think pieces and getting on the local newspapers of their haunted small town and being told from a young age by their wise old mentor that they will be something big one day) and it worries me because OH GOD IT'S TOO LATE FOR ME.. I'M DOING IT WRONG! NO HOPE! And then I go on youtube and watch a video essay on another idol of mine who happened to win the spelling bee in grade 5 and i'm like SHIT I RUINED IT! ITS ALL RUINED! I'M NEVER AMOUNTING TO ANYTHING! I look at whatever drawings or little rpgm games im making and i'm like hey, is this something [blank] would like and.or approve of? or would it be something they made back when they were starting out- adjacent and they aren't proud of it but they sure did learn a lot from it! Or is it nothing.. and am I nothing.. and they would never even pass on a glance... and its over for me... but the moral of this lesson is to put YOURSELF on the pedestal, because what else can you do, right????

8/11/2025

8/15/2025
new blog post i cant take it anymore end blog post

8/11/2025
sometimes it feels like the only way I can really lockdown on a project is if i spend the day before rotting in my bed and staring at my ceiling and just kind of squirming around and feeling guilty about it ... and then i'm always significantly more productive after that my workflow kind of goes like 0--> 100 --> 45 --> 10 --> 10 --> 10 --> 0................. -->>100. i think i might implement some kind of system to maximize all my efforts that'll 100% work. i've been jumping around a lot between things, its hard for me to even commit to a tiny little screw around thing without making it a giant lifes project thing in my mind BUT AS THEY SAY ALL OF LIFES GREATEST HURDLES LIES WITHIN YOUR OWN MADE UP MENTAL BLOCKS THAT AREN'T EVEN REAL

8/8/2025
first ever day of senior year, ever, today! it was okay! i got about 30 minutes of sleep and i fell asleep watching a mysterious lilith zone rpgmaker game and i'm thinking about maybe doing a wacky rpgmaker game.. i figured it'd be good because my total energy levels are probably going to dilute by like 50% and i know how to use it so i might as well right?????? i keep trying to pick it up and do something serious(ish) in it but then i always drop it because i get bored (///BECAUSE OF TILESETS///) but why not just churn out a shitty one real quick.. as long as i'm producing then i'm content. ^and heres a seperate note: been thinking of shelfing learning how to code for a number of reasons which include the following 1.i hate tutorials 2. i'm sick of following tutorials 3. i can't do this 4. i'm majoring in compsci so why even worry about it until the time when i have to worry about it all the time right! so instead of focusing on doing difficult hard things i should instead focusing on building up my creating skills in other areas like story/writing/stickingtoprojects/etcetectectetc so that way i can build these skills when i have time right now and don't have to just kind of dump that on top of knowing how to function:on key press space : if space is pressed = true character.animatechange frame4 move go =false if else then xyz coordinates 345 + 56 - 78 else character= variable.gth2=3 because i have PLENTY OF TIME FOR THAT IN MY FUTURE!!! even if by that time they just have coding robots that make their own video games in 5 seconds( ha ha see that new chatgpt wow!!! so cool so advanced!!! ha ha insane wow the future is wow haha so bright ) i think it's still something that's cool to know and i'm just curious about and i can spend a lot of time reflecting on that in 10 years in between my drug benders at the homeless shelter.. okay anyways i just want to make a little rpgmaker game. i need to stick to a project because i've started like 3 different ones. they're all ags games because i feel like i spent all that time getting the hang of it for my shitty p&c practice game just for me to not even make a slightly less shitty p&c game using the knowledge i've garnered from that.. but i can also say that about that time i spent like an hour watching rpgm youtube tutorials like 2 years ago and i don't even have a shitty rpgm game to show for THAT!!! so .... look forward to that in... time... thanks bog good talk

8/4/2025
ok i'm not doing this every day even though that's what the pattern appears to be here, but to be fair the first one was basically on the night of 8/1/25, so it's more like every other day except for the last 2. here are my thoughts tonight... thats what youre here for isnt it? the bog? thats what the bog wants right??? anyway i've been very stuck on the topic of "game engines" wow i hope nobodys reading this i'm way cringier than i thought i was

GAME ENGINES: WHAT ARE THEY, AND WHY ARE THERE SO MANY?? A game engine is an engine a person who makes/tries/kids themselves about crafts a "video game"? what's a video game? Now alas that's a topic for another day... some game engines are a prefabrication, or what we in the gaming industry (what?) call a "Prefab"... you may know of a common one known as "RPGMAKER". it's where you make an rpg! i know my stuff what can i say!!! another one is for the retroheads everywhere who engage themselves in titular titles like "Space Quest" and "Space Quest 2" and "Space Quest 3" and "Space Quest 4" and "Spacequest 5 maybe???? and also "Monkey Island" and "Paul Moose in Space World" known as Adventure Game Studio. as of recent i've been tinkering around in Unity as a way to pay off the debt from the years i've wasted in my life by lying in my bed and goofing off and not trying to do anything, because now i'm trying all the time to do something and this IS EXHAUSTING WOW! WHO KNEW??? so after about a month of Unity (wow the dedication!!! wow!!! you're an inspiration to me!) i'm on Godot and wow this is way easier! I godot this! haha!!11!!!! that's all i have to say but i'm starting to believe there may come a time where i have to haul my ass to the library and pick up a LEARN C# QUICK FOR DUMMIES and rip that bandaid off and RIP my BOOKMARK out. finally, i feel like i should think of something thoughtful and introspective to say to offer a unique perspective to any really sad bored people i mean really nice cool people reading this. my lesson today is that you can do anything if you set your mind to it, and you have to always believe that even if you haven't gotten to the point where you can do it yet, because you're me, and i still can't do anything, so you just really have to remember to keep believing in the first thing no matter what. also remember to be like me and always make sure to stare into the mirror for uncomfortable amounts of times and peer into your eyes and try to imagine what it'd look like to see the universe inside of them and to tell yourself, hey! the universe is inside me! i am part of the universe! i can do anything!

Sincerely, updognathan

8/3/2025
hi everybody! today i thought would be a good time to "post" into the "bog" today, i watched a movie some may known as "Creep 2" and then I drank "a lot of titos to take a moment to reflect on the intricacies of this film" now, i am "reflecting" by "bogging about it" i was so shocked when he did that!!! and then she did that:???? that ending, wow!!!! jeez i was sure taken for a ride!!!!!!!! Mark duplass you have done it again you crazy bastard!!!/tone indicator:playful

bog post over

8/2/25 hi everyone. this is my first bog post. this is just one example of the many more bogs to come..
in the future..
when i have something to talk about...................